My Own Private Idaho

Originally posted April 29, 2008

When I decided to kick my drug habit in September 2007, I white-knuckled it for months before ever stepping foot in an NA meeting. It was a hard time, let me tell you. People walk out on you, disappoint you (though to be honest, I had disappointed many), turn away at your most critical time of need, and just fail to realize how hard it is for you. I spent many nights curled up in a ball, my dogs and the TV my only friends. It was while watching LOGO one evening that I happened upon an artist that, I feel, would change the course of my recovery quite dramatically. The video began with a dreamy vibrato and smooth chords, followed by the words that hit me like a ton of bricks:

Free falling, oh now where do I begin
Free falling till the birds begin to sing
Then I found you in a crowd of anguish
Standing on solid ground
So sure, like you're holding onto something
Like you've been in love with me for centuries
Singing hang around for me
You've got to hang around for me
If I'm gonna hang around for you

Who is this person? This Gregory Douglass? Immediately I turned to Google for the answer and discovered a prolific songwriter whose talent had been unknown to me, but who had been around the independent scene for a while. At 27, this guy was anything like I'd heard or experienced before. Checking myspace I found his profile there and quickly asked for his friendship. What began as a night of typical self-pity and rock-bottom behavior turned into complete adoration and respect for an artist who would continue to affect my recovery in ways he couldn't imagine.

I've tried to explain his musical style to many people but always come up short in my description. He's a little bit rock, a smidge of folksy, a tad angsty, but never angry. Think Tori Amos meets Jeff Buckley meets Radiohead and you can kinda figure it out. How is it, I wondered, that someone so young could have such complete and soulful understanding of love, pain, triumph, tragedy - in fact, the entire human condition - and not come across as preachy or naive or cliched? Whatever the circumstances that supplied his empathy with the world, I didn't care. It was only important for me to ingest more of what he had to offer so iTunes offered that avenue.

Knowing that Gregory played house concerts, and was to be in the southeast in April, I emailed him to see if he had any interest in playing a house concert in Little River, SC. To my amazement and giddy excitement, he said yes. The date was set and I was ecstatic. Not many people have the opportunity to experience a performance by someone they admire so much, yet it was to happen for me. In my own living room. To be shared with people that I love. An opportunity for me to share this fascinating man with others who knew my pain and anguish. Finally, a way to connect my recovery with those who couldn't quite grasp its destructive effect on my life, but in a way that was therapeutic and not graphic or morose.

On Sunday the 27th of April, Gregory arrived well ahead of the set performance time, giving me plenty of time to talk to him. I didn't have a need to see him as anything other than an artist and inspiration, so there was no probing and prodding to get to the underbelly of his life. We shared on a variety of topics and industry issues that were revealing as well as informative. We had dinner together and joked about pop-culture and his experiences with the culture of the places he traveled. He gave a performance to a small audience, much to my chagrin as I had wanted and expected more people to attend. But in the end the crowd was inconsequential to the desire I had to listen to a great songwriter perform his craft. Not only did I have Gregory in my presence, I was gifted with a performance that will forever be cemented in my mind. A connection that will forever live to inspire.

It's a lot, I know, to lay at his doorstep the immense praise that I give him. He didn't set out to change my world, or anyone else's for that matter, but he did supply me with the motivation and desire to continue on my path of recovery and listen to the music that life creates all around me. It was his performance of my favorite of his songs that I hold closest to my heart. In closing, I share those lyrics with you. Namaste, and be well.

Wait For Me - Gregory Douglass

i think the sun is coming out
what am i suppose to do with it
i think the sun is coming out
i've been hurt before but
i never hang around to heal it
it's a long and lonely ride
don't give up on me already
lover wait for me
love wait for me love
lover wait for me
love wait for me love
baby you're just what dreams are made of
now i'm starting to believe you
now i'm slowly letting you in
you're the first to come that feels true
and i'm bound to see it through
baby i love the way you move
please understand what i am going through
baby i'll meet you there real soon
'cause every moment comes right back to you
nothing can weigh me down for long
i thought i'd changed my name but i was wrong
nothing can weigh me down for good
i'd let this go if only i could